Don't Yuck at Someone Else's Yum

One of the lessons we learn as children is that not everybody likes the same things. One child loves broccoli; another cannot stand it. One person enjoys fishing; another cannot imagine anything more boring than sitting beside a lake for hours. Some people enjoy motorcycles, others gardening. Some love old hymns, others enjoy listening to bluegrass. Some would rather spend a vacation at the beach, while others would choose a cabin in the woods. We are different. There is nothing wrong with that. Unfortunately, we sometimes develop the habit of criticizing things simply because they do not appeal to us. There is a modern expression that captures the idea well: “Don’t yuck at someone else’s yum.” In other words, just because something does not bring me joy does not mean I need to diminish the joy it brings to someone else. For Christians, this principle goes much deeper than simple courtesy. It touches upon Christian liberty, brotherly love, humility, the proper use of our conscience, and even our influence upon others.

REGARD: God Has Not Made Us All Alike. Romans 14 addresses Christians who had differing convictions concerning matters of personal conscience. We call these convictions “Scruples.” Some brethren believed they could eat certain foods while others abstained. Some folks regarded particular days and others did not. Inspiration did not command everyone to develop identical personal preferences. Instead, God commanded them to stop despising and judging one another. Paul wrote: “Let not him who eats despise him who does not eat, and let not him who does not eat judge him who eats; for God has received him” (Rom. 14:3). Notice that last phrase, it is important: “God has received him.” Sometimes we have trouble receiving people whom God has already received. We can begin treating our preferences as though they were God’s commandments. Before long, “I don’t like that” quietly becomes “You shouldn’t like that.” Eventually it can even become, “You are sinning because you like that.” That is dangerous territory! Certainly, this principle does not apply to sin. God has spoken clearly concerning right and wrong, and Christian liberty does not give us permission to disregard His Word. But where God has allowed liberty, we must be careful not to manufacture laws that God Himself has not made.

REALIZE: Your Conscience Is Not Somebody Else’s Bible. One of the great dangers in matters of opinion is allowing our conscience to become the standard by which we judge everyone else. Our conscience is important. We should never knowingly violate it. Paul wrote, “Whatever is not from faith is sin” (Rom. 14:23). If I genuinely believe something would be wrong for me to do, I should refrain from doing it. But there is an important difference between saying, “My conscience will not allow me to do that,” and saying, “Therefore, you are wrong for doing it.” My conscience governs me. God’s Word governs us all. That distinction requires humility. There are things Christians may disagree about without disagreeing about the authority of Scripture. We may have different tastes in food, recreation, hobbies, clothing, entertainment, decorating, travel, music outside the worship assembly, and countless other areas of ordinary life. In those areas, we should never use our conscience as somebody else’s Bible.

RESTRAINT: You Don’t Have to Express Every Opinion. The book of Proverbs repeatedly warns us about careless words. Solomon warned: “A fool vents all his feelings, but a wise man holds them back” (Pro. 29:11). That is remarkably practical advice. We live in a culture that encourages us to have an opinion about everything and then immediately share it. Social media has made criticism almost effortless. Someone posts a picture of something that made them happy, and within minutes another person feels compelled to explain why they do not like it. But why? Well, not every opinion needs an audience. Sometimes love means keeping an unnecessary criticism to ourselves. Someone shows you the new paint color in their living room. They love it. You hate it. Unless they have asked for your decorating advice, what good is accomplished by saying, “I would never put that color in my house?” Someone is excited about a hobby you find boring. Must you explain why you would never waste your time doing that? We should learn to ask ourselves: “Will what I am about to say add something good to this moment, or am I about to steal someone’s joy merely for the privilege of expressing my opinion?”

RESPOND: Learn to Share the Joy of Others. Paul gives us a beautiful Christian principle: “Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep” (Rom. 12:15). We usually understand the second half. When someone hurts, Christians should hurt with them. But what about the first half? Can we rejoice simply because someone else is rejoicing? That requires maturity. I suppose we should really learn that someone else’s joy does not have to be my joy before I can share it with them. Perhaps I do not care about the thing they purchased, the hobby they enjoy, the place they visited, the accomplishment they achieved, or the activity that excites them. But I care about them. That changes everything. I do not have to love what you love in order to love you. Sometimes one of the kindest things we can do is simply smile and say, “I’m glad you enjoy that.”

REMEMBER: There Is A Real Priority. Romans 14:17 reminds us: “For the kingdom of God is not eating and drinking, but righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit.” That verse helps put things into perspective. Christians should pursue righteousness. Where God has spoken, we stand firmly upon His Word. Christians should also pursue peace. We should not manufacture conflict where God has not. And Christians should pursue joy. Christianity should not produce people who walk through life looking for opportunities to criticize everybody else. Jesus said His disciples are the “light of the world” (Matt. 5:14). Our words, attitudes, and treatment of others either strengthen that light or obscure it. A Christian who is perpetually negative, condescending, judgmental, and critical may technically win arguments while completely destroying his influence. Being “right” about our preferences is not worth becoming unpleasant to everyone around us.

REFRAIN: Don’t Be a Joy Thief. There is enough sorrow in this world already. People carry burdens we know nothing about. They face disappointments, grief, loneliness, financial pressures, family problems, illness, and uncertainty. When they find something innocent that gives them a little happiness, why would we want to steal it? There will be times when Christians must stand against sin. There will be occasions when truth requires correction. Love does not mean abandoning conviction. But, as Ecclesiastes 3 bears out, there is a time for every purpose under heaven. There is a time to simply let somebody enjoy something. A time to smile. A time to encourage. A time to rejoice because someone else is rejoicing. And a time to keep unnecessary opinions to ourselves. Before criticizing something another person enjoys, perhaps we should ask: Is this actually wrong - or is it simply not my preference? If it is merely a matter of preference, remember: Don’t yuck at someone else’s yum. Let them have their joy. Better yet, rejoice with them!